Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Curing a Hangover
So this time last night, I was at my staff party. All my work buddies, lots of alcohol, a BBQ, pretty much an epic night. Needless to say this morning I was worse than dead. Wake up, instant nausea and heaviness of the brain is the only way it can be described. The solution? Well its really quite simple... And always works. You'll be fine by midday.
1) Drink water and have a vitamin tablet. Lots of water, as much as you can get down your throat.
2) Begin preparing the following things: Scrambled eggs, toast (or bananna), an orange, and coleslaw. Coleslaw is very important and an effective cure. Scientists have yet to determine why. They might not be trying. From this meal, you have a good variety of foodstuffs going into you, which is what you want. The toast or other carbs of your choosing is important.
If you can manage to eat this without throwing up, eat it right away. Obviously you dont mix them all together, eat them in any order you like. Chances are though, any hangover worth trying to cure instead of waiting it out is going to be a bad hangover, and you wont be able to stand the sight of this food let alone eat it. In this case, go to step 3.
3) Wait a while til your tablet has been digested (should be already, its tiny and you just made breakfast and that takes a while). Now throw up. Yes, you shove those fingers down your throat if necessary and puke your guts up. Gross indeed, but its a minutes discomfort and you will feel infinitely better after. This is why you drank all the water. Yeah it rehydrates you, but it also gives you more to vomit and makes it easier. Hurl until dry.
4) Have a small glass of water, wait a few minutes.
5) That foods starting to look alot better now isnt it?
6) Omnomnomnomnomnom. Avoid coffee. Drink tea or water or juice.
7) IMPORTANT: Do something like watch a video now, something to hold your attention for the next hour. Watch that torrent file you no doubt downloaded the day before. You will begin to feel mildly unwell within about 10 minutes of finishing your food. Not as bad as before, but not pleasant. The video will distract you so you can keep your life-saving food down.
8) Video complete? Stand up and marvel at the sudden lack of symptoms. Tentatively take a few steps, smile that you are completely cured from hellish pain in less than 3 hours of waking up. Go about your daily activities.
Note that it is advisable to have the house stocked up with tasty nomnoms such as pot noodles and microwaveables. You will be very hungry today at odd times. Swear never to drink again, and then break your oath at the earliest opportunity. Congratulations on beating the hangover. Dont forget to follow :)